Thursday, February 04, 2016

Want v. Can: Life, Uncertainties and Fears

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There's a big difference between "What I Want to Do" and "What I Can Do". I'm in a phase of my life where I simply am not sure of what to do. Heck, I don't even know what to do. Do I look for a "firm" job, an "office" job, or do I start the "litigation" training?

You know what I'm sure of? I am confused as hell.

It seems like the waiting stage is much more excruciating than the reviewing stage. It's so confusing that self-doubt comes into the picture. That's my worst enemy right now. Self-doubt. It is the worst!

What I want to do is to practice my profession like what I have dreamed of--litigation. Be a trial lawyer, the best trial lawyer. Then, self-doubt comes in. Fear, too. Can I do it? In all honesty, I don't know. Do I see myself as a trial lawyer? In my dreams, yes. In real life, not really. Maybe. There's always that maybe. That maybe gives me hope.

See, there's a part of me that says, "hell yes" and there's that other part of me that says, "you'll quit". To whom do I listen? The idealistic dreamer or the realist? I CHOOSE.

Ah, yes. I, the confused one, should choose. Life, huh.

Fear and reality. Maybe what I want to do is not what I can do. And, what I can do is not what I want to do. The only way to find out is when I have grabbed the opportunity do what I want to do or what I can do. Grab the opportunity that comes first and when it does not work out, take the other path. It's as simple as that. Nope, nope, nope. Then again, that's life.

Or, we can always learn to love something we thought we couldn't, right? Maybe, just maybe. Choose the easier path and make the most out of it and not be happy, or be happy. The thing is, you'll never know unless you're there--living that life.

The more important question, however, is...does opportunity come or do we look for it? Will I receive a call or an e-mail for an interview? Or, do I go out there and personally apply? Or maybe, do both? Real life demands more. So, do more. Be the person you want to be. Be you.

All I can tell myself is, welcome to the real world!

Face your damn fears.

2 comments:

  1. You can do it, ate! (I am more of a believer of others' abilities than my actual self so..there's that hehe but) I believe that you can. Be whatever you want to be.

    I kind of feel you as I am in the middle of the same process. And I am going for it (hahaha vague as I think it's not appropriate to discuss it here, so as to not steal the thunder haha)

    And I agree. Let's face our fears!

    Cheers! All the best!

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    1. "I am more of a believer of others' abilities than my actual self so" --ME TOO!!!!!!!

      Thank you, April! Means a lot! ♥

      "I will not fear. Fear is the mind killer."

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